He knows how to make you smile :)

you don’t piss a girl off during her pms. 

Acceptance Letter!!!

Subject: University of Amsterdam - Admission

Dear Vania,

Congratulations! We are very pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the BSc in Economics & Business programme at the Faculty of Economics and Business, University of Amsterdam. We are offering you a place in our programme from the 2nd year onwards starting September 2012.

THANK YOU LORD! 

i know i have been far from You, and all my faults and all my sins that have hurt your heart. i’m sorry. but You are still Graceful to me! Of course, you are God. This makes sense that you will never let me fall or go. I know. So, this is my humble gratitude and honest humility :) 

HNMUN - do not underestimate the power of prayers

I heard about HNMUN since my first week, no, my even before the start of the semester. It sounded so cool you know, to go for HNMUN.. 

I don’t know why, but i didn’t even try to look for information last year. 

So I tried applying for it this year, despite the fact that i’m gonna transfer to Holland (AMEN!) this summer.

So, the selection phase consist of sending cv, workshop, simulation and interview.

i attended the workshop and one day of simulation, as i did not attend the Saturday session.

And, gratefully, i received the news that i have passed to the interview phase. but the thing is, it’s on Saturday. I talked to my coach, who happens to be one of the HNMUN alumnis and also the Selection Team committee. i asked her all the same thing as i have asked her during TEIMUN selection (yes, she was the one who interviewed me for TEIMUN). She discussed it with the team and alumnis, and i guess, they agreed upon, no tolerance for change of day..

I am not mad this time, not like how i was in TEIMUN. why?

1) I’m gonna go anyway to holland, so it won’t be possible to practice with the team.

2) HN may be the most prestigious, but only listening to the story of it, makes me so scared. The alumnis of UI for HNMUN are those super gauuuul people, who, when they are talking, you’d feel so intimidated, pengen ngumpet di bawah meja aja rasanya, malu. mereka pinter2 banget :’)

3) this is the most importan point, I didn’t pray for this. 

you see, for TEIMUN, I prayed. My friends prayed for me. My parents prayed for me. 

It’s not that prayer magically erase the obstacles, because it certainly did not for my TEIMUN. what it did is, it strengthen me. It lifts those obstacles away from my way, with me witnessing how God removes it, one by one, bits by bits. 

You see friends, your hardwork, your ability, your wisdom, your smartness, intelligence, talents, and whatever you are capable of, will never be enough to reach the place where you are meant to be. Only prayer and the will of God will brinig you to it. All those you think you know, will only get you as far as being in a place where it is good enough, but that extra mile you think you could do on your own, cannot be done.

btw, this is not me trying to be seen as a saint who have zero tolerance, that i follow a strict Sabbath rule (which would be good), i do have flaws in Sabbath day. But I know I’m still too weak. For the fact, i still surf the internet, i still attend social gathering on Sabbath, i still buy McDonalds, listen to worldly music, and many other things. But no, I’m not proud of that! But MUN is something I reallly love doing. It’s my distraction. It gets me excited. It gets me fired up. And if I’m not careful, I will slowly give up everything for it (figuratively)

I just talked to my dad, and he allows me to go for the interview (since it’s only like 20 minute, and it’s in the morning). He said, as long as he is not creating money out of it, he’d go. the thing is.. if i could make money in MUN, i’d make good money out of this :p. hahaha. but seriously, if i go for the interview, i know what other demands will slowly creep up to me: every saturday practice. That’d be too far. 

Gak perlu melanggar hari Sabat, dosa-dosa yang lain, yang kecil2, yang gede2 juga banyaak -____- mau dibawa kemana iman percaya ini lama2?

Anyway, the point is, friends, if you really want something, pray. pray until something happen. fight with God, i read once, fighting with God in your prayer, is a way to show your emotions, a practice of being open to God. But at the end of your prayer, don’t forget to mention, Not my will, but Yours be done! :) 

Dear Someone,

i do feel bad about your situation, about the fact that you are feeling empty and lonely. and i regret not being able to cheer you up or tell you that things are gonna be okay because of this and that. 

We’ve only been friends for a short while, and i’m not yet comfortable with being the friend in your need. i know that you really need a friend, but you’ve got your close friends, right? those friends that you have before i came along. 

However, i’m put in a complex situation here. From my selfish side, i don’t like being in this situation, where a new person in my life, especially, a guy, say a friend or more, come up to me with all the problems. i don’t wanna solve your problem. i don’t wanna know. and more, you’re making it more difficult for me for the fact that you blabbed around about your love life when i don’t even care, nor do i wanna know, nor do i give a cent to it after knowing all that went down in your life. tapi gue tuh orangnya sangat gampang kasian sama orang yg punya masalah kayak loo gini.. because i know exactly how it feels and i’ve overcome it! 

So, i hope before i leave this country, we’d either become a closer friend so that i can be cerewet or we’d just go back to the hi and bye :)

is it okay to doctrine myself with happy and positive thoughts when i don’t always feel that way?

that question is always running round in my head..

i’ve asked this to many people, friends, religious leaders and others..

and i have not yet found the answer..

may be cause i asked them implicitly 

let me elaborate more on that..

say, i don’t really like certain someone, should i be showing that? or should i be respecting her/him (hereinafter her), and still be nice? if i act as if i like her (which is being nice to her) people would say i’m two faced. but if i show i dont like her, i’d be a mean girl.

say, i don’t agree upon some points with church members/church guidelines, or i don’t like some Bible guidelines… but really try to push myself to come to agreement, to find a middle ground for myself, or Bible, which is God’s words, and so i know i would have to follow it, so i follow it. But see, when i raise this kind of questions, people say… God looks at the heart, harus tulus, wholeheartedly doing God’s words. yes i agree.. but.. i just think.. rather than not following God’s words or Church manual at all.. i’d rather be following it, even if it is forced. because.. who knows.. between the process, i’d do it wholeheartedly..

as i’ve said.. i’ve tried to raise this question to people before.. yet i dont think they have grasped the meaning.. 

Faith, more than just believing.

After being in different communities, i strongly feel that there is no need for me to fight about the stance of my faith, in which i had always done.

i had always been telling people of what i think, of what i follow, of what i think is true, of what i’m holding on to.

And, well, this may be late, that i shouldn’t have been fighting for all of those. because i, myself, could not measure my faith, how will other people understands it?

I come to a realization that my personal relationship with God is more important than trying to tell people that God is able. A beautiful relationship with God will reflect in your action anyway, right? 

And so, from today onwards, i’d like to try to not be giving out opinions on what i feel is true, which a form of faith, just not enough as a measure in Christianity. 

Masalah 1 belum kelar, udah muncul yg lain x_x

People don’t know your fights.
Don’t bother giving them your emotions.
Show them that you can.
Show them that the path you choose will eventually reach the place you wanna be at.

Don’t waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour’s duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

We gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face … We must do that which we think we cannot. -Eleanor Roosevelt, United Nation diplomat, First Lady.

If you are successful, it becomes possible for you to leave an inheritance for others. But if you desire to create a legacy, then you need to leave something in others.
- John Maxwell